What Old Lady Gardeners Do at Night


Coral Vine in this yard.  Early fall.

I debated long and hard as to whether I should post this because it’s embarrassing…

My sweet neighbor came over to see me.  She came over to talk about gardening, which of course is one of my favorite subjects.

She talked about putting in a raised vegetable garden, the ornamental plants she thinks she might purchase including some pretty cool roses, and what to do with a bare area in her yard where run off travels when it rains.

And then we switched gears to discuss the totally disrespectful person who keeps driving by her home late at night playing music with a deep bass. The bass makes her windows vibrate.

I told her that person was very inconsiderate.  I *think* she mentioned wanting to get their license plate number, but that may have come out in a previous conversation about the same subject.  She mentioned they drove by again three days ago just when she was trying to sleep.  She’s gone outside to try to see their car, but misses it every time.

I was on board with my neighbor’s annoyance toward this insensitive clout’s behavior.  I envisioned this person being a young 20-something male blaring his car stereo, driving fast, and looking to score.  Isn’t that what comes to mind?

Unrelated to my neighbor’s problem, I’ve committed myself to making a gardener dancing video at the request of a Garden Rant post  and I’ve decided to dance my own slower version of the Can Can perhaps wearing a plastic pot of flowers on my head.

Of course, anyone who has read a little of this blog knows I recently had surgery and that the cost was of my hospital stay was astronomical.  I don’t know yet what portion of that bill I’ll have to pay, but one figure quoted was 30K.

So, late at night, while most of you “normal” people are sleeping, I get bored. I’ve been listening to the theme music from the Good, the Bad and the Ugly as I ruminated about my hospital bill.

In a crazy moment a few nights ago, I decided to pretend I was Blondie (Clint Eastwood) fighting against the hospital for 30K in gold.  I put on my cowboy-like hat, a fake moustache (yes, really), and picked up my grabber (a necessity when you’ve had a hip replacement) and my leg lifter.


Grabber, above.

The grabber became my rifle as I pointed and snapped it at the hospital account statement, and I swung my leg lifter like a lasso to the music.  I imagined I had a cigar in my mouth, and I made mean faces in the mirror, then stomped around the room like a tough gunslinger.  I was having a blast with my music cranked to the hilt.  Next, I decided to dance the Can-Can.  (It’s hard.)  I got out my mother’s large feather hat, put it on, then thought about how I could not only dance the Can-Can for a gardening video but could dance in front of the hospital in protest to their bill with a sign that reads: “I Can-Can-Not pay you 30K” tied to my butt, which I would wag at anyone watching. (Would I actually do this? Probably not.)

And the truth is I’ve played the loud music dancing around with the grabber and the leg lifter and also dancing to the tune of the Can-Can, not once but twice, late at night.  (This is what SOME non-Facebook users do in their spare time after dark.)

I had a great time entertaining myself–laughing while dancing–and as you might imagine, I worked up a sweat and was exhausted when I turned the music off.  (Dancing is a good form of exercise that prepares gardeners for lifting heavy flower pots.)  Anyway, it was about 10:45 pm the second time I did this three nights ago.

So back to my poor neighbor…She told me this awful person drove by at about 10:45 pm……and, yes, it took me about 5 minutes–I’m slow–to realize that the awful loud obnoxious noisy person…was me, and I’m not male and I’m not in my 20’s.  What a stereotype!

I apologized to my neighbor.  She was gracious.

I really am SO sorry!  It won’t happen again.



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